I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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