I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
