my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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