my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
