I'm so fucking centered right now
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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