So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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