just tell him i said nine months
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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