marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
