she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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