I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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