My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
