terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
