I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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