I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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