What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
