If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
