well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
