the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
