im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
