I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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