I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
