At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
