32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
