i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
