I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
