I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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