Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
