my phone needs a breathalizer
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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