If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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