sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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