Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
