Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
