Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I want is dick and wine.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
