Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
