he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
