I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
