so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
