its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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