forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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