Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
