Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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