This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
