God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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