Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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