i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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