no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
