went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
