They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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