And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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