oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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