literally had 100 drinks last night.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
