remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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