i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Randomize
