Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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