i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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