He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
