Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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