I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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