$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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