If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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