based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize