We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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