my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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