im holly from the hills drunk
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
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I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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