If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
