please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
