dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
