So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
